FEEL XENU'S TOUCH
January 25, 2010
by VBS Staff
Want to help the people of Haiti but not actually help them at all? The Church of Scientology’s got you covered. Volunteers from the organizations outreach program are visiting patients at Port-au-Prince’s General Hospital and healing them with the power of touch. Here’s how they describe it:
“When you get a sudden shock to a part of your body the energy gets stuck, so we re-establish communication within the body by touching people through their clothes, and asking people to feel the touch.”
Eye witnesses report that their method involves touching people while smiling, sort of like a faker, non-ancient version of Reiki healing. According to one volunteer, a donor lent the church his airplane (smells like Travolta) to take 80 volunteers and 50 Haitian-American-doctors to the ravaged country. In all fairness, it was nice of those whackadoos to transport 50 MDs to Haiti, but why ruin it with 80 Xenu missionaries?
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SteveCassidy: Even making fun of scientology gives it too much credit.
23 days ago
PkDO: LOL @ first line of the article.
23 days ago
EntityTJO1971: give it up, weirdos, those people can't afford your church's commissions and "processing steps" fees...
about 1 month ago
Gardiloo: They don't need to be groped by delusionals, they need some fuckin sandwiches and a culligan man, god dammit!
about 1 month ago
MeggoWaffle: I don't know much about Scientology but they don't need meditation or yoga right now...They need real doctors to help their injuries. As far as the emotional Trauma they have to deal with will have to wait til later.
about 1 month ago
listenn2slayer: "this is what scientologiests ACTUALLY believe"!
about 1 month ago
baya: I wonder what the people being healed think of the scientologists...I really wouldn't want a lady wearing a white cap and gloves and bright yellow tshirt trying that shit on me.
about 1 month ago
kill_ted: What's the big deal? We all agree Star Wars actually happened, why is this so far-fetched?
about 1 month ago
deathsquad: Is this better or worse than people sitting in their houses praying?
about 1 month ago
QueenBee: Ha. Travolta probably doesn't even know his plane is gone. You know they have another set of keys for that bad boy.
about 1 month ago
SodaBob: Are you kidding? He was probably the pilot.
about 1 month ago
smearcampaign: i don't think scientology works. if it did, why does beck keep putting out mediocre albums? i won't even get into the travolta movies.
about 1 month ago
Biff: Seriously, can you even think of how weird these kids raised on a mixture of voodoo and Scientology are going to be?
about 1 month ago
daddywheresmybourbon: fucking scientology. a fucking joke!
about 1 month ago